Subconscious Recollections

By Katen Bender -Manahan

My life started out like any other life. I was born in 1955, my family was very poor and my Momma had 10 children. All but one was not taken away. The rest of us were adopted to new families. The one that did not get taken away was due to my Momma hiding him when the authorities came for him.

My life before adoption was abrupt to say the least. I remember a lot of things and have to have hypnotic and dream therapy to overcome the lasting memories. I was 23 months old at the time of my adoption and I remember a lot of things that a "normal" child of that age should not.

My dreams were vivid up until age six. I dreamt this dream every night and would wake up screaming. The picture is of a white house with a huge tree in the front yard. The front window is enormous. There is a man sitting in a chair with his back to the window. The chair is of a tan colored soft material. The man has on a blue shirt or sweater and has brownish hair cut in a block style. He is reading a newspaper and drinking some coffee. The next scene is of a man in a tree with a rifle and he shoots. The bullet travels through the air, shatters the glass of a window, and impacts with the man. The impact is incredible and the newspaper goes flying. This is all in extremely slow motion.

The point to this is that I see it over and over and over again, every night. I am not in the house to witness this, I am in the tree with the man. Through hypnotic therapy, it was discovered that the man is left handed, wore a black leather jacket and had a scar on his face. The authorities, in the small southern Illinois town that I come from, say that no such murder ever took place. When I met my brother, Mike, and my sister, Cindi, I almost fainted. It was the same house. To their knowledge, no one had ever died there. The dream and hypnotic therapy got me past the screaming every night and the dream only happened once a month after that.

To another recollection to my early life, I hated the color purple. I did not know why, but I refused to have anything purple and would freak out when I saw the color. I can remember being little and being in this room that was always dark, the blinds were raggedy and I always heard this baby crying. Well, there was a crib in my room with me and there was a baby in the crib that did not smell too good and she was always crying. I can remember this lady coming into our room. I would run up to her and wrap my arms around her knees. She would push me to the ground with her legs, then go over to the crib to do something with the baby. The baby would quit crying and the lady would leave. I can also remember that we had a big tree in our back yard and there was a tire looped on it by an old rope. The report was called in by someone that if the authorities didn't come and get these two girls, that we would be thrown down the well. The next paragraph will explain the purple and other occurrences.

Later, when I was 29 years old, I found my Momma and I found all the rest of my family. My Momma was wonderful and she answered a lot of questions that I had. She told me that they lost a lot of pictures due to a fire in the old farm house we lived in. The house sat behind a cornfield. I made a special trip from North Dakota, where I was living at the time, as my husband was stationed there in the Air Force. My trip destination was to the southern Illinois town to see my Momma who was dying. Well, my brother, Mike, and his wife, took me around and the Sheriff that came out and rescued us stopped dead in his tracks as he said that I looked so much like my Momma. He shared some of his knowledge with me from 27 years before.

Mike and I were riding in the country roads that I had never been on in my life. I told him that the next house on the left was our old house. He turned into the dirt driveway, drove past the corn and stopped his car next to the house. The grass was knee high and the house was half burnt. I looked up and saw a bedroom and the color of it was purple. I felt as though the house was drawing me to it. My brother would not let me go into the house as it was extremely unsafe. I said, "Okay, take my hand and don't say a word." I led him through the tall grass, stepping over things. My eyes were closed and, no, I was not peeking. I stopped and opened my eyes. To the left of me was our back porch. Right ahead of me was the tree that used to hold the tire swing, now lying on the ground with the rope still attached to it, and one foot to my right was a well.

I have had a lot of ups and downs in life and I thought that they were just a part of life. Until we joined a church and I discovered that there are paths in life that we choose before birth. Events we agreed to. These events will either make us or break us.

I heard about a year ago, "IF I ENDED THE WORLD TOMORROW, WOULD YOU BE READY?" My instant response was yes, and my sister, Vivian, asked me why I said yes. I told her. I have also heard, "I CAN TAKE AWAY YOUR HURT AND PAIN, BUT I CANNOT TAKE AWAY YOUR MEMORY AS THAT IS WHAT HAS MADE YOU THE PERSON YOU ARE TODAY." I consider that I have a gift from God and I also believe in Arch Angels and Guardian Angels. They are there to guide us and help us. All we have to do is call upon them and they will assist us.

The events that happened in my early childhood were not dreams. They were actual events. A psychiatrist told my adoptive Mother that a child of my age (6) and younger does not have the mentality to have that much of a vivid mind or imagination. I have been blessed since I was a child and it wasn't until a few years ago that I let go and a lot of wonderful doors have opened up for me. I have become a better person as I have let God and the Angels lead my way and show me the signs.